The following post has inspired me to think and reflect:
I was an “all-in” child. I loved and trusted my parents without reservation, and they loved back. I loved my friends, shared all, played with abandon. I sent more “I like you do you like me” notes in those prepubescent “crush” years than I can count. It could be worth pointing out that due to an early growth spurt, a need for glasses, and a series of unfortunate haircuts, not one note came back with “yes” checked (smiles). Not that that stopped me, of course, from sending one to someone else.
I was sheltered in high school. Looking back, it was a blessing. I was a passionate person. It manifested in dreams and the arts and secret writings. It was evident in the electricity that shot down my spine when the focus of my affection simply took my hand. I may have a few resentments over my strict church, but all those warnings probably did prevent me from becoming a potential star on a 1980’s version of Teen Mom!
I’ll spare a play by play of my young and middle adulthood and skip to the end. I agree with the cited post. I believe in all-out love. Otherwise, what’s the point? If I am going to eat Birthday Cake, as an analogy, I’m going to ask for a corner piece with a rose and lots of icing. J Loving should not be done in half measures. It’s a waste of beauty. I have loved….4 times in my life. One of those loves is still alive in my heart, and I’m going to let it fade in its own time; even unrequited love has value, after all. But I loved all four times with as much of me as I was able. The first time was young and dreamy eyed and maybe a bit shallow, but with all the passion a 20-something was capable of (which isn’t as much as they think). My second began with abandon, and then in order to try to preserve it, the abandon was replaced with caution….but still I loved. The third time was a reawakening, not meant to be forever but a re-acquaintance with the idea that openness and passion were good things. The last….the last was an unexpected mixture of laughter and abandon and depth and passion and friendship and getting to experience all the parts of myself present and loving for the first time. It is the love against which all future loves would be measured.
With every one of those loves there has been pain, along with the lesser pains of those “not-quite-loves” most of us have. And you know what? I’ll love again. I’ll love with abandon. I’ll choose to open, choose to trust, and choose to give. And maybe it will be forever. And maybe I will hurt again.
But loving is worth it. And I am happy and blessed to have experienced it.